As a parent and a gardener it can be so much fun bringing your kids into the garden to share in the family garden experience. But sometimes things can get out of hand quickly and your beautiful vision of sun-soaked, peaceful planting together can turn into power struggles, damaged plants, and big tears. Don't worry, I've been there too, and as an outdoor educator I've seen the same challenges show up in our garden lessons. I'm here to give you the best strategies for making sure you have that fun and meaningful experience you were envisioning. Hopefully it will lead to many more smiles and successes with your kids in the garden.
1. Set expectations together up front
This one is foundational to everything else. Before you rush to your big plans, sit down with your kids or students and talk about what you expect. Remember that this may be a new space for them to navigate and they may not understand the rules. Think about the last time you entered a new social situation and had no idea how you were supposed to behave or what was going to happen next. It can be stressful! And we want our kids to feel safe and confident in the garden, so adopt the slogan "clarity is kindness" and provide clear and easy instructions. For example, if you need them to stay in one particular area, tell them up front and give them visuals to help enforce it "we're going to stay in this area between the walking path and the back fence, you can move around anywhere in this space."
Think about the last time you entered a new social situation and had no idea how you were supposed to behave, or what was going to happen next. It can be stressful! And we want our kids to feel safe and confident in the garden, so adopt the slogan "clarity is kindness" and provide clear and easy instructions.
If your kids are able to communicate, ask them for their input on what the rules should be. Sometimes they have observed enough to get a sense of do's and don't's and they can offer some ideas. After you've established your shared expectations, recap everything one more time in a short list. For example: "So we agree we will stay between the path and the fence, use only walking feet, and to stop when it's time for lunch." Once you have the clarity of expectations, ask if they have any questions, and then move into the garden.
2. Give instructions a step at a time, not all at once.
In our effort to give all the information up front, sometimes we can completely overwhelm our kids. We mean well when we go into all that detail, but more often than not it can lead to tuned out kids and frustrated adults. To avoid that, start simple and give directions one step at a time.
So for example, instead of saying "We're going to go to this bed, pull out the plants, add soil amendments, rake it in, dig a hole this depth, and add our plants." Break it into one or two steps at a time, "Let's go over to this planting bed and get settled." Then do just that step. "Ok, now let's look at what's already here. What do you notice? These plants are all dried up, so we're going to pull them out carefully and place them in this bin." This method allows you to slow down and lay out the steps within the steps (like where to put the discarded plants). Slowing down can minimize information overload and will give you a better chance of reaching your goals for the day.
3. Let them have a say in the planting decisions.
It can be so tempting as the grown up to keep tight control over the planting space. You already know exactly how much space your plants will need, you know how they should be grouped, you know the water needs. BUT, if your goal is to include your kids in this project, how are they going to learn any of that information without trying it themselves? I'm not suggesting you go full hands-free, but chances are there is at least one aspect of the planting plan where some flexibility won't hurt anything. Is there room to put that flower in the middle of the bed instead of on the side? Could we rearrange the violas to be a pattern? Could we sneak in a row of carrots or plant rainbow carrots instead of regular orange ones?
Giving kids that bit of room to decide will do a lot of things at once. You'll be giving them some authority which can help with their budding confidence. They'll take more ownership of the garden because now they want to check on "their plants" more often. And among other benefits, you may end up with more success than you realize because sometimes the kids' ideas turn out better than your original vision!
If you want to really give your kids space to experiment, you could consider giving them their own planter or plot to fill however they would like. Want to fill it will all sweet peas? Sure. Only blue flowers? Go for it. When kids are really little this is a wonderful option for first connecting them with the power of their own time and energy.
If you want to really give your kids space to experiment, you could consider giving them their own planter or plot to fill however they would like. Want to fill it will all sweet peas? Sure. Only blue flowers? Go for it.
4. Grow things they love to eat and surprise varieties of things they don't
It may take a little while to figure out, but try to incorporate more kid friendly options when you plant. I aim for at least half of our gardens to have foods I know kids love and half things I think they should be exposed to. If you want a shortcut, I have a "Kid's Favorites" planting calendar with a list of tested and confirmed winners in the shop. But every home is different, so pay attention to the winners in your own garden. Did they love that really sweet cherry tomato? Did they enjoy picking the beans but then didn't eat them? What do they always seem to eat when it's meal time, and can we grow those things in our space?
In that vein, sometimes you can encourage kids to try vegetables they said they don't like by surprising them with a new variety. Maybe kids say they hate broccoli, but they see that beautiful purple sprouting broccoli and now they just HAVE to taste it. Yellow watermelons? Pink Cauliflower? Round carrots? Watermelon radishes? There are countless varieties out there, and most of them you can't find in the grocery store because they aren't commercially produced so there are lots of opportunities to explore. This can really get kids thinking about the bigger world of food and agriculture. How many things have we never eaten? What did they used to eat in the past? Do orange watermelons taste better than the pink ones?
One of my favorite things is to pick 3 varieties of one category, like say carrots, and then set up a taste test to compare them. For older kids you can also track which ones produced the most fruits, which ones seemed happiest in our climate, which ones had pest problems. One year, we set up a watermelon experiment and planted 5 types at once and tracked everything. It was such a blast to discuss with the kids each week and note our observations.
5. Give them something special to use during their garden time
You would be amazed at how effective it is to hand kids a pair of their own garden gloves, apron, hand tool, or other official tool of the job and see them straight to work. It's like something clicks in their minds that they're in uniform and there are things to do. So if you're having a hard time getting kids interested in the garden, hand them a tool and watch everything change. Even situations that don't really require tools (because most of the time your bare hands are the best tool you have) set out a bin of gloves anyway, or maybe a bucket of hand trowels. As they work, they'll decide whether or not they want to keep the gloves on, but even if they remove them two minutes later, the effect still remains. If you have a student that won't stay on task, hand them a broom or a rake and let them work on clearing paths. Sometimes the tool in hand gives them that anchor they need to be able to focus and enjoy the present moment.
Sometimes the tool in hand gives them that anchor they need to be able to focus and enjoy the present moment.
6. Provide options whenever possible
We like to have choices, it's as true for kids as it is for adults. Being told what to do versus being given the chance to decide, most of us would prefer that extra bit of freedom. Whether it's the ability to choose their task for the day or which tool to try, providing moments for kids to express personal preference will help them feel like the garden is a place that can respond to their needs. It also lessens power struggles that can come from only providing one way to do things. Even something as simple as planting a seed can be full of opportunities for personal choice. Would you like to plant in this spot or over there? How do you want to make the planting hole, with a stick or your finger? Would you like to use a shovel for the dirt or use your hands?
7. Don't force it, stay flexible
Let's say you've done all the right things, you've provided choices, you're growing something they like to eat, you're letting them make decisions but they're still just NOT feeling it. Even if everything is aligned, sometimes the plan just doesn't work. Take a step back. Is now a good time for a break? Is there something we could pivot to? Can we make our goals simpler for this garden visit? Learn how to re-frame what success looks like for the day. Maybe we didn't plant everything, but we did plant SOMETHING. That's still a reason to celebrate. Sometimes these are the most important lessons kids can take away from the experience.
8. Keep talking-- Offer praise, ask questions and make observations out loud -- together
Whether you're a seasoned gardener or a total novice, it's helpful to narrate what you're doing whenever you can. Kids may be interested but unable to form the questions so sharing your own thoughts and questions can demonstrate how to do it. When you see holes in the plant, note what you're seeing and then talk about how you're going to try solving the mystery. If your kids notice something has changed about their plants, engage with them, what is different? Did you notice that too?
Sometimes I am surprised by a bug that has arrived, or a flower is almost ready to bloom. I like to announce it and see who wants to come look at it too. Why is this bug here where the ground is wet? I didn't think I would find something under these leaves, but here's this white stuff, what is this? Some of the best conversations come out of this display of curiosity and observation. The kids will pick up this tactic and start to announce things themselves. It's amazing how quickly it catches on and how little you'll have to lead the discussion before long.
As always, we the adults show them through our actions and words what we expect. If we want them to talk and share, then we must show them how by talking and sharing with them.
To that end, also make a point of offering praise for their behaviors too. If they're waiting for you to fill watering cans and being patient, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate it. If you spot teamwork or kindness announce that too! Show kids that you are present with them and that their actions are being noticed. Other kids will see what gets praise and they'll try to emulate it. As always, we the adults show them through our actions and words what we expect. If we want them to talk and share, then we must show them how by talking and sharing with them.
Comments